A Load Of Fuss About F**k All

I was quietly minding my own business in the gallery a few days ago when I had a knock on the door from the police. It turns out a local woman had complained about the Connor Brothers Much Ado About Nothing parody that has been in my window for a month.

A Load Of Fuss About Fuck All

The picture, called A Load Of Fuss About Fuck All, had the F-word clearly displayed. She found this offensive and as a result I have had to put a piece of paper over the word fuck.

There are 60,000 people in Brentwood. One person can object to something and by law it has to be removed. I think it is bonkers. Someone has gone by my window and complained because she found it offensive. One person can override 60,000.

So we now have a piece of paper over fuck and the police are happy with that but what a waste of police time. The policeman had to take a photograph showing that we had covered it so he could prove he had done his job. Is that what we pay the police for?

One woman, who has no sense of humour and probably does not understand the Shakespearean reference, overrides the sense of humour of 60,000 people.

Why not just come in and say ‘I found that offensive’ or phone me?

I wonder what would happen if she went to Florence and saw Michelangelo’s David in the square or virtually any national museum where Madonnas are breast-feeding babies. And what about the Manneken Pis in Brussels, the statue of a little boy peeing into a fountain? What a small world she must live in and our laws encourage her!

But the important point is, because of data protection, nobody is allowed to tell me who is she is. I publicly can be attacked but she cannot be identified.

It really was a load of fuss about fuck all!

You can see the Mirror story about the incident here and the Brentwood Gazette story here, with a picture of me looking suitably grumpy.

If you’re interested in buying the picture so you can display it without the word fuck covered up, it’s available for £7,500. Or we have prints of it at £125/£175 framed.

Contact me by email to or call me on +44 (0) 1277 222269.

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